Good for Me: The Power of Self-Kindness at Work

6-minute read

Have you ever referred to yourself as “my own worst enemy” in the workplace? Or maybe you’ve uttered something more along the lines of “I’m my own biggest critic”? If so, don’t worry. You’re not alone.

But what would happen if you flipped that sentiment around? What if instead you thought of yourself as your own biggest advocate and champion? Make self-kindness a higher priority to help start your transformation toward improving emotional well-being, productivity, and relationships. 

Self-Kindness Is Too Often Overlooked in the Workplace

The unfortunate reality is that acts of self-kindness in the workplace frequently feel like they are diametrically opposed to efficiency and innovation. With looming deadlines, heightened expectations, and fierce competition, it’s all too easy to fall into a cycle of self-criticism and stress. 

MJ Shaar has seen it happen before. The popular keynote speaker and wellness culture coach has worked with businesses of all types and sizes to directly apply positive psychology to health promotion. She combines science-backed research with personal experience to help employees discover how all forms of kindness create fuller, healthier workplaces through pragmatic changes and strategic shifts in perception.

MJ notes: “Here’s the thing: People treat themselves poorly. We say things like, ‘Oh, I’ll be fine cutting out a few hours of sleep or skipping my workout. Or I gotta fit more things in my schedule and it will be OK if I don’t have time for my lunch break, my yoga practice, my walk, calling my mom — whatever I was hoping to do to make myself feel good. So those are the mental patterns we rehearse. Then, when someone else is struggling, we also expect them to just pick themselves up by the bootstraps and we lack empathy.” 

Acts of Self-Kindness Benefit Everyone

Overloading ourselves with self-criticism at work can lead to feelings of inadequacy, imposter syndrome, and burnout. Self-kindness, on the other hand, allows us to process challenges with greater ease and maintain a consistently positive mindset that ultimately benefits employers as well as others.

Key psychological and emotional benefits of self-kindness in the workplace include:

• Reduced stress and anxiety: Activating the body’s calming response leads to better focus and decision making.
• Stronger resilience: Instead of dwelling on mistakes, they can be viewed as opportunities for growth.
• Greater emotional intelligence: Increased empathy and understanding with colleagues result in improved teamwork and leadership.

Remember: Acts of self-kindness don’t just benefit us personally. Practicing grace and compassion extends to others and creates a positive, collaborative work environment to:

• Support team dynamics: When people feel emotionally secure, they communicate openly and effectively.
• Reduce conflicts: Empathetic employees tend to be less reactive, which reduces tension in the workplace.
• Create a healthier company culture: Kindness encourages an environment of support, safety, and mutual respect.

In summary, self-kindness can be linked to any number of positive results, such as happiness, optimism, wisdom, initiative, emotional intelligence, resilience, empathy, altruism, and forgiveness. The practice is extremely self-reinforcing!

Read more: Fulfillment and Success Start With Kindness

Common Barriers to Acts of Self-Kindness

Even if we understand the benefits, many of us still struggle with self-kindness due to deep-seated beliefs about work and success. But self-kindness isn’t related to laziness or mistakes. In fact, research shows that it actually can enhance productivity and innovation. 

These are among the most common challenges people face when it comes to self-care:

1. Guilt: Taking care of mental health makes anyone a more effective and engaged employee.
2. Navigating the “hustle” or “grind” mentality: In an environment that glorifies overwork, setting personal boundaries and modeling healthy behaviors can help. 
3. Self-kindness as a weakness: Compassion and self-care are not about making excuses — they’re about recognizing humanity and worth as well as practicing how to treat others kindly.

“It seems like the barrier to entry for improving our mood is much lower than that for improving our sleep, food, or exercise habits. So mood is a great starting point in any wellness enhancement journey. And what positive psychology research has shown is that the best, longest lasting way to get a mood boost is through kindness. Better yet, when we start to apply kindness, not only do we get a great mood boost, but we also get a whole host of biochemical reactions that are healthy for our heart and brain, conducive to good sleep, and beneficial to our relationships. Not to mention, these good results also ripple over to the recipient of our kindness, and sometimes even to the witnesses. It’s truly the gift that keeps on giving!”

Related: Good to You: How to Build Relationships at Work With Kindness

10 Ways to Nurture Self-Kindness

Many people mistakenly believe that self-kindness involves making excuses or lowering our standards in the workplace. Self-kindness actually is more in line with acknowledging our efforts, learning from setbacks, and maintaining a positive mindset to enjoy long-term success and well-being.

But it can be hard to know where to start. For many, self-kindness will be like a muscle that needs to be exercised over time. Here are 10 practical acts of self-kindness that we can all easily integrate into day-to-day work life:

1. Address ourselves with understanding, as with a friend going through a rough patch.
2. Practice mindful, nonjudgmental awareness with thoughts and emotions.
3. Accept feelings and experiences, knowing everyone faces challenges in life.
4. Remain forgiving for mistakes or perceived shortcomings, appreciating that they’re all part of being human.
5. Support physical well-being with healthy habits like staying active, eating well, and getting enough sleep.
6. Set realistic expectations, recognizing that perfection is unattainable.
7. Acknowledge strengths and achievements with gratitude.
8. Take breaks and enjoy leisure activities without guilt or shame.
9. Seek support from loved ones or mental health professionals when needed.
10. Practice self-care by engaging in activities that bring joy and relaxation, such as hobbies, time in nature, or connecting with friends and family.

“My research has revealed that people tend to underuse kindness because we can be uncomfortable receiving it,” MJ adds. “My team and I conducted our own modest research experiment. We tested 5 hypotheses, each representing a potential obstacle to kindness: cynicism, heavy social media use, high desire for independence, propensity toward multitasking or feeling rushed, and difficulty receiving kindness. Of all these, difficulty receiving kindness showed up as the biggest obstacle. So I think that we need to work on our ability to receive kindness gracefully just as much as we need to work on our ability to extend it.”

Related: Good for All: Fostering Kindness in the Workplace

Good Nurtured Can Promote Self-Kindness

In addition to its intrinsic individual benefits, self-kindness is the first step toward greater good and stronger well-being. When we take care of ourselves, we build the fortitude to take care of others. Meditating when feeling overwhelmed, for example, or complimenting ourselves after finishing a challenging task can make it easier to do the same for colleagues, friends, and family.

HES created Good Nurtured specifically to help everyone realize the mental, emotional, and physical health benefits of kindness, civility, and graciousness. This new challenge inspires stronger connections and a culture that benefits everyone through simple acts of self-kindness.